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"keep smiling because you never know who is going to fall in love with your smile" - unknown

its only the beginning of the year and already there are dramas in every direction, from every click.  
I wish it never happened. I wish you were never involved. I wish you took the time to think. I wish you were still here. Firstly I cannot comprehend how stupid you were. You ALL were. Couldnt you just take time to really think about your actions? It was so obvious that it wasn't. Not at that time and place, not for that person. You knew he is only trouble and nothing but. All for what? Pride? Self satisfaction that you are 'strong' and 'scary'. It wasn't worth it, and if only you knew that sooner. As stupid as you were, now you must take the consequences. More people are hurt then you imagine. So many of us miss you being here, so many people tell me that you were an idiot, so many people ask where you are, and many of us just want you back here. An over cast of disappointment and loss is still on the forecast. Its hard knowing that you wont be coming back. After all those years with you, all the history and stories. I feel like I took you for granted, thinking that you'd be here every step of the way. I should of spent more time with you. From year 7, when you had your shaggy dog hair style, when I was a complete mirror image of Mulan. Those were the days. When our lockers were side by side, when we were in the same classes. The little high school crushes, and sneaky glances. A year went passed, and a stronger friendship was formed. Funny how cute we were. When you would be so confused, and even come to a point when you would just shed a tear after mine. How innocent and pure we once were. Harmless. You even kept that birthday card I made for you 3 years back and even the one 2 years ago. How could I forget your countless hair styles! Long, to longer, short, to spiky. Long again to bald. Bald to a triangle and even to some weird Buddha thing. Bad hair cuts really stick to you. Another year passes. This was a major year. People become more influenced, and try different things. We never became that close again for a while, but we always enjoyed each other company. But its funny how when you fall, you realise who are the ones that actually care about you. I stood by me through all those complicated dramas, and kept all the little funny secrets. You held my hand when I was scared, and caught my tears when they fell. My heart and mind can't yet believe that you are 'gone'. Whilst sitting on the cold concrete fall, rain showered over me. I stared blanking at the wall, and finally realised how much of a difference you made. How quiet and lifeless everything seems, everything just feels so incomplete and scattered. We aren't a whole. I miss seeing your face, seeing you make faces at me. I miss us bagging and having a go at each other. I miss our inside jokes, open stories and topics. I miss our hugs. Missing 'surprise attacking' you, jumping on you. I miss your piggy backs and smile. I miss your infectious laugh. Even how disgusting you eat, and spit all over the place. I miss fighting with you, miss nudging you, tackling you, punching you, slapping you, kicking you, nipple crippling you. Even your big fat ass. Your presence can never be filled or replaced. I know you aren't gone forever, you're obviously still here, but its the fact that you aren't with me 5 times a week. After all those years at school together I wont be graduating with you and that hurts. A part of me fears that you might even forget our memories. What if things change, and we drift further away and eventually just become a faint lost image? Maybe even I didn't realise how much you meant to me? Maybe I didn't realise how much I love and care about you? During all these long years, I feel as though I have taken you for granted, and never appreciated your company, and now I say thank you. For always being there. For loving me for all of me,and sticking by me till hopefully the end of forever. You have really become a best friend of mine, one I will always miss.