270909

its been ages since i last blogged, and alot has happened since...
well i have officially moved on !! after 6 months? i never really new what was holding me back until i relised where i was right now. i have new friends that i love dearly, they make my world, i have soo much fun each and everyday, i feel free and happy. so holding onto my past was getting annoying.. i had these photos of him and me in my school diary, i got my scissors one night and cut them all into strips and threw them in the bin. something that small really helped me soo much. i never worried anymore, i never had to 'miss' him. now i am free from my own chains! finally...
i never would of thought that i would 'fall' again. i dont know what happened, maybe just beacsue i feel like a kid again im just reliving it! the way i was suppose to. so i gues its a good thing. it just relaly suprised me that something liek this happened. after all, life wasnt that great for a period. well 2-3 days. he really hurt me, alot.. but i guess whats the point of tryuing for a friend ship when they arent going to try either. so thats over and done wtih, im fine with it. i think it will be smooth sailing from now on! i still do have problems trusting.. well i cant trust anyone actually, but i think ill get there! its practially impossible to ask for help aswell.. just what she said back then really got to me, and still does to this day.. i dont wanna be a cry baby someone that begs for attention, telling them my twisted story... so i stoped, i stopped telling anyone anything, i was so afraid to tell them becasue i knew that i would lose them, be a burden or just be... a btich. after all i still dont know who i am yet. but im ready to find out, i have really gotten use to my new surroundings my new life again... but this time its going to be alot easier! well hopefully.
some nights i still wonder how things are going for them. if they are okay, hows family and school just the simple things.. then i wonder about them, liek are they still the same? do they still hide things away? its usually the deeper things that get to me the most. i worryalot actually, about the same poeple though... i cant help it. i dont know if im scared or just missing them, but i alwasy think about them every now and then. sometimes u cant help but walk past a room, or a place and remeber all the times u had spent together.. it makes u cry, or it makes u smile...
if i saw him, them.. i wondeer what would happen. probably nothing, maybe a high, a wave, but nithuing else. nothing special.. its all the past anyway, so its time to forget it! u cant stop the race once u have started it!