231209

2 days till christmas, and i feel like shit.
every single time i look at her face, know about her or even just haer her name, i hate myself. every time i see him lod on, his posts, hear his name .. it hurts. everytime i haer someone call me a slut, i feel like a bit of me is dying. its not easy listening to those same words get spoken about you, behind ur back, in ur face for more than a year. u lose ur closeset friends beacsue of rumours, the popele u love the most start doubting you, and say the same things. what are u ment to do? are u ment to just stop listening to what they say? u think its that easy? the MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE in ur LIFE just called u a slut, just ripped her heart, and tore it to pieces, just threw u away, just lied, just left you .. alone. it hurts. its called pain. and now till this day, i use this as my excuse to hate myself.
when he left me, and found a new after 3 days. do u know how i felt? i felt like trash, like a usless piece of junk. it made me feel like everytihng he had said to me during that month ment NOTHING. that i was just a toy, and thenhe got bored of me. so moved on to somrhting more 'his level' that he lied to me, that i was never good enough. that i am never good enough for anyone.
sometimes i just want to cry in someones arms. just want someone to listen and help. bt noone can.












mirror..
3.30am


i hear ur lies, i feel like crying
i see ur face, i feel like dying,
i look in the mirror, i start to hate,
i see my face, i want to disintergrate,
i remeber the pain, i blame myself,
i remeber ur promises, i feel like filth,
i hear the voices, lying in bed
i feel the pain, in heart and head,
i touch a memory, every single day,
i touch my heart, its cold, led astray,
i admire her beauty, i wasnt good enough,
i admire her beauty, im never good enough,

i look in the mirror, i start to cry,
i look in the mirror, i want to die...