190410

its a walk down memory lane.

as i was emptying my wallet, sorting things out, there in a pocket slipped out a photo of one who was once my bestfriend. i could feel my heart ache, my hands trembling as i grab hold of that prep picture. i rembered her saying ' keep this till we are like old and wrinkly ',' how funny would it be if you still had it 10 years from now' , and yes i do still had it. i forgot that i did, like how i forgot you. and the horrid pain of me hruting you ached once more. but for some reason, no tears streamed down my face. nothing.
i knew i always had this stone with me. i was too lazy to put it anywhre else. those days when i would walk you home, and broke rocks in half, writting a word on each half. this rock saying 'sex.' and you were the 'bomb'
i wonder if you still have it. i even have the other rock we broke in half 'biffles'. the rock was smooth, due to the constant rubbing of the coins against it. it felt cold just like our feelings towards eachtoehr. i missed it. but yet there was no watering, nothing.
as i stood infront of that mirror, i saw the faces of all those to stood infront of it. as i turned towards the furniture and carpet, i saw the people who once sat there, laughed there. i wont ever forget. it hurt, but yet once again, there was nothing.
maybe now these things get to a stage were u just do9nt bother anymore. when these things dont hurt as mnuch or when you hae found even better memories. but i still slap myself eachtime a memory pops in sometimes.

we were as close as ever. since the first day i moved here.
i remeber, you were on the computer at school, and forgot the website to this games thing ' orisinal.com ' so i helped you. it was somehitng relaly smalll yet i remebr ever so clearly. then from there that following year, i remeber you wearing ur puffy green pants and ur creamy cap smiling at me. chasing eachother around, stealing hats and hiding them. it wasnt until the mid of year 6 when we tuely became close. you made me laugh, you made me smile, you were my bestfriend. we got along amazingly. like bother and sister, so close that people still believe it to this day.
i remeber a day in year 7,you and ur mushroom hair, and baby face. eating ur donut like a little kid and drop some jam onto ur jumper. i crack up laughing. you look embarrassed andfrustrated, yet a slight smile and you chase upto me, when i am not aware and rub the jam al over my dress. i full slip out. and tickle you to death. victory was mine.
it makes me smile that even in year 7, you dithced your friends to be with me. even though i was with my other friends who didnt fancy you that much. you still stayed with me, beacsue we both enjoying eachothers company. you would always come by and stand behind me as i was sitting down, and i would lean on you as you were eating. you would drop crumbs on me time to time, just to annoy me. oh and yes it would. but we laughed it off. you were always there supporting me, letting me lean on you.
there was a day when things turned sour, and i was down. and there you were, right were i needed you. you sat down beside me. and i lay my head on your shoulder. it was autumn beacue i rember the tree leaves being a mix of golds and browns. falling of trees like snow. everthing was so peaceful so quiet. as i lay on your shoulder, crying. your presence was enough, to make me happy. i wont ever forget that memory.
as the next year followed i was so glad to be with you again. yes! brother and sister in a class. my bestfriend here with me again.
nearly everyday after school we would run up and down that hill together. i would drag you aloing, and poush you to hurry up. even if we nissed it. we would sit there waiting, tlaking, listening to your music.
that day when we were running down the hill, you had to have a blood nose. you needed tissue, but there was nothing but cloth. so i lent u my hankerchief and you still continued to run beside me, so that we wouldnt miss the train. that was fun.
the times when you owuld come over, and i would help you wiht homework, oron msn when yiu would ask for adivce. the times where i saved your ass, and when you supported me.
but then things changed. and you met poeple that i wished you never did.
i regret ever lettitng you meet him. why. why did i introduce you two. it was all beacsue you met him, its all beacsue you were influenced, its all beacsie of him that you no longer stand being near me, that you dispise me, and hate me. i regret ever lettting him knw you. i regret letting you know him. if you guys never met, none of this would of happened. and you would still be with me. still be loving school, loving life.. and smiling your adorable smile. letting me lean on your shoulder. but now its too late. its too late to change anyhitng, because you have already made your path to the life you think is 'fun' and 'cool'.
i knew from the beginning, from that moment when you started to change that things would enver go back. but i never thought they would change this much in 2 months of that year. you hurt me, so much more than anyone had. for you were my little brother, that i loved.
i miss your bear hugs you would give me, squeezing me tight till i screamed. i miss your smile, whenever you tricked me or did somehing stupid. i miss that hand that would hand in hand with mine. i miss you adoraable laughter and giggles. i miss you almost to tears when i would attack you wiht tickles. i miss the way you would say things, like when you saw whiskyand call it kitty. i miss your soft words. i miss my brother.
from my brother you have turned into the person who hates me the most. if you could hit someone we all know it would be me. if you had one wish it would to get rid of me.
oh and i just remebered. whenever you saw whisky you would have that giggle that 'teehehe' evil giggle, and you would chase whisky arond the house. and onc eyou got him you would rub ur face on his soft fur, then as you let him go. you would see the fur on your jumper and put a sad face on, and ther i was laughing at you, you being as cute as ever, and i would helop remove the fur from your clothes.
who knew things turned out so ugly. that lunch time, when i just couldnt stand your coldness, couldnt stand your ignorance. and i poured my heart and soul out to you. begging you to see what i saw, tleling you and i loved you and missed you. that i needed you, that i was worried and i cared. you just threw me away, and ignored me as though i was nothing to you. that everything we had didnt mena anyhtig to you. not one word from my mouth had even came close to touch your heart. i just wasnt 'cool' enough for you was i. your other 'new' friends 'he' was more important to you. you didnt want me, becaue you knew i was 'bad luck', because evberyone was agaisnt me, so you looked away from me, and turned your back on me. left me standing alone, wiht no one to lean on anymore. you were that one person that i needed most, yet it was already too late.
its the present and tihsng haevnt changed. you are even colder towards me. we dont even speak to eachtoerh. my name is forbidden in your brain, yet you say it everyday to your 'other' friends. the 'other' poeple who have also joined your cruisade to hurt me. you hate those who love me, you hate those who tlak to me, you haet those who are my friends. why? am i realy that horrible? was i ever that bad to you? its been 2 years, yet you have not let go. yet you sitll dont even remeber anyone of our memories we have had togteher. was i really that worthless to you?
i still pray for you each day and night, beacsue i owrry about you. i dont want you failing at life, falling down at the floor, at rock bottom. beacsue i know how smart you are. i know how truely great you can be. i know your potential.
even i dont care as much as i use to. whenever i hear you say horrid htings behind my back, they dont hurt as mnuch as they use to. but a part of me still wants you to rember what we had. what we were. becasue you really were my lil' bro .-bryanLy