020911

time has rapidly disappeared and the world continues to spin round me.
many unexpected things have occurred and many things have found there place again. everything kind of seems, perfect. People that faded away have come together again, worries have vanished, fears have been faced and problems have been solved. Everything is coming back.

I've turned my back on past promises, fallen into habits and have become a horrible hypocrite. However for now  I'm going to let myself indulge in these pleasures.

From that one night it really did help. Just that single phone call made every single doubt disappear, and did create a new bond. hearing you share problems and pains allowed me to open myself up to you again. although it was all a small misunderstanding, im just glad we we're all able to get  through it and grow stronger. It was from that one call that helped me realise how lucky i am to have you by my side. Throughout all the mistakes and wrong turns you will always love me and forgive me. Really does prove how strong this bond is. It reminded me of that first long phone call we had a year ago. All the inside jokes and hysterical laughter has never changed. No matter how long we dont talk for, dont see eachother for, i know that the moment we are together things never change. I know you doubt many people around you, fear for change and find it difficult to trust others but please remember that there is always a splash of colour in this black and white world, you just have to find it.

Resilience, I love it. it just builds tougher and tougher. i was honestly quite surprised at how short the pain lasted. i guess i have mistakes to thank for that. during this time i didnt mean to make things more difficult or complicated, just wanted it to finish nice and clean with minimal scarring. however after some thought, i cannot necessarily be blamed for anything. not everyone has the same amount of resilience to pain as others, so its not my fault that the pain was much shorter than expected. but i cannot runaway from the fact that its still horribly painful for you. I've experienced it before, i know how much it hurts and how much damage and scarring it can cause. but i cant make things better, its up to yourself. you may not see it now, but you'll be thankful this happened. i just hope when that day comes its not too late. stay strong.

it is always such an enjoyable moment when something unexpected happens. makes you smile and wonder at how all those little things pieced together to form such a perfect moment at a perfect time.
you were someone so out of the blue, but i must confess, you are pretty amazing. there is something about you that is so different, so outstanding, something that ive never seem before, well not for a long time. from having a crude judgement of you, i was proven more than wrong. good with words yes, manipulation? never.
i've honestly never been treated this way before. it all feels so brand new, and it definitely makes me nervous. i  cant help but feel so guilty from your generosity because ive never met anyone that would do so much. i just dont know how to respond. i'm just scared that you're doing too much, and not thinking about yourself. never do i ever want you to feel obligated to do anything, its okay to say no. And i thought others were too nice. i could seriously go on forever about how much i worry. guess im glad that you stole the moon.

Ive never felt so... extraordinary.