250712

happy birthday lil bro.

its funny how despite our dramas and history we still some what acknowledge each other.
throughout these 6 years you've continued to be involved in my life. you became a brother i never had, and a best friend that i always needed. Although 'bffl' didnt exactly work out, im still glad that youre still looking out for me.
I remember being in that class in year 5. helping you get to www.orinsinal.com. It was kinda then when we started to talk. your short cartoony hair, small beady eyes, tiny figure. youve changed so much. That creamy coloured cap you would always wear, with those green puffy cuffed trackies for school, oh and the ankle high socks you use to rock. what a superstar you were. but i guess we all looked like little Asian nerds back then. The times in essex when we use to chase each other around cause you would steal my hat or i would steal yours. all the fun and games lasted till the end of primary, and we thought it would never end.
Then high school came. So many things changed during the first few years. You remained close to me. spending lunch times with me, sharing stories, secrets and always would love to pull youre little tricks on me. Like that time you dropped jam on youre jumper from the donut. I can still remember that face you pulled. priceless. One of the most unforgettable moments will always be that lunch time in autumn. We sat on the steps together, and i lent on your shoulder, feeling so warm and safe. staring at the students kicking the footy round, and watching the golden brown leaves fall upon us. everything just seemed so perfect. Dont think anything could of felt more complete. But because of how close we were so many mistook our relationship, so we use to trick other in believing that we were siblings. it worked so many, and pretty much all of the school had believed or heard of it. guess it is an advantage when your surnames are both very similar.
Another year passed and this was a year of experimenting. you meet someone who i wish you didnt, but i guess things do happen for a reason. we both tried new things, and when something went wrong, or when sides started to form, you left. i dont recall ever hurting you, maybe it was just because i was getting too annoying. or you lost interest, maybe you just believed all the lies and for a second forgot what we shared. And it hurt. it hurt so much to know that someone who you called 'family' took others whom they just recently met, who would never care about you as much as i would have. When everything fell apart you werent there, and i struggled. i struggled so hard to watch you become a person id never seen before, i struggled knowing that it would never be the same, i struggled believing that it was my fault, even if it wasnt, i had to have a reason. however luckily, i found one person who helped me get through it all. But even with someone like that, memories can never be replaced.
Time continued to pass, we made different friends, formed different groups but somehow we were always still near each other. this was the year when we hardly noticed one another, everything just became a blur. I learnt to forget, i learnt to forgive. I walked away and blocked myself from the feelings because it just wasnt worth it anymore.
As years went on, we just stayed as distant friends. speaking when we need to, our relationship on the mutual side. it was nothing special, yet nothing wrong. it was normal. Our mutual friendship groups had always allowed us to have these opportunities to talk, so im glad, but thats all i felt.
At this current moment, i came to realize that we have come so far. you have been a huge deal in my life, and i do still miss you. I still care and will always remember who you are. although our friendship has been damaged, in some ways i see a positive light, allowing me to believe that some day things will be back to normal. even if it might not happen, Im just glad to know that i had a chance to share countless unforgettable memories with you.

Hope you have an amazing 17th today.
Thank you.

Love you lots lil bro.