there was once a girl, who could truely smile, who believed in a happy ending, who knew who she was and had faith and hope in herself and the others around her.that girl could live life happily, she could help others in a flash, super woman! she would imagine. all she wnated was to help, felt as though it was her duty. soon that girl became that girl that was nice to everyone, the one who couldnt say no, the one who would always say sorry even when it wasnt her fault. back then, she wouldnt shed many tears, she could stand strong.. alone..but u know what, she cant anymore. everythuing she was, was bullshit.. she cant take it anymore.. doesnt want to be the door mat of peoples lives. always being the one who was sorry.. all, the, time.. the one who would help others, standing alone. when that girl had trusted people, they crushed her. she thought she could take it, so there she was, alone in the rain.. it showered, it poured and hailed. but she still stood there, crying. she has had enough, enough of all the lies, all the hurt, all those times when she said sorry when she didnt need to. enough of being a tool, a door mat. why cant she be the one who gets to smile. why everytime when she has a reason to smile, why did something have to crush it. this girl couldnt stand up for herself, all she did was treat herself like trash to love others. when people hurt her she forgave them, for it was the right thing to do, but she didnt know that they would hurt her, agian and agian and again. she gave them chances one after the other.
now this girl doesnt know who she is anymroe. who to trust, what to do, where to go, why she is here anymore. right now she cant follow her life moto anymore. h,f,b,s&p doenst fucking exist, not now anyway. how come,everytime she tries to reach out, she gest pushed down.. why is everything leaving her alone in the rain again. she is changing, she wants to change the fact that she isnt a door mat, she doesnt want to be pushed down, she wants to stand up! she wants to stand up for herself, say no when she thinks its right. she wants to be able to be her changing self and know that her fiends would still love her for who she is. but if they cant, then they are not her true friends are they?this changing girl doesnt want to change for them this tiem, but for herself. but she is so scared, scared to lose it all, shes already lost so much, she doesnt lose everything. she wants to be able to look at herself in the mirror and say ' i am worth loving', she doesnt want to look at herself and get the feeling of vomit comming out of her mouth. back then, she could almost beleive that someone would love her, and almost love herself.. back then.
maybe this girl is just being stupid, inconciderate, scared.. honestly im so scared to change, i dont want to change, what if they all start judging me, hating me and ignoring me.. maybe i should stay as a door mat, a tool, maybe ill just get use to it again and ignore all the pain, blow after blow after blow.. i wish i could close my eyes and love myself, i hope that i can stand strong again and start to trust. but i cant, not now, not soon.. bear with me God, bear with me for all those people who havent judged me, who understand me.. who still lvoe me; thank you
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