060709

its done. its over and its its... i told him the truth and now we are over. and i am sadened but i dont regret. he has helped me through the toughest time in my life, and helped me have strength again. i guess now im owrrried about him. i know that his mask shall reappear, but dont owrry. im never going to give up to throw it, destroy it forever. my love for him still does exist, but now atleast i know what i need to do. good bye to once that sweet princei thought i would love for ever. and hello to my new future, now that i have grown and know how to make my life better, i believe i will be fine. still comes that problem with my bestfriend though. but with these memories i can do it. thank you do much. im not afraid to push you by the way, not afriad to make you burst in anger and rage, beacue its still you and i accept you for who you are. im really proud of you and how far youhave come, but you know wat pisses me off bad...that some how you managed to push all that i have done away, and just started to make ur new mask up again. that all you are dping is just running away form urself, turning urself away. that help was always there for you, its just you never took it, yhou were too scared. beacsue u didnt trust us did you!? you where too afirad to take that risk, you didnt believe that we were strong engouh, even though we fucking were. you dissapoint me at what you have done, you really have. why go back from the start agagin. i really thoiught that you were strong eniough, you told me that you were. and you lied. you have a strong personality, how come be a pussy again, why turn back! all that you are doing is pointless, that you dont achieve anything. all you get is pain. i tried to show you howbto open up to poeple and how much more helpful it is. i tried to help you belive that you are beautiful and owrth people to love. but i dont want to be with you to show you, for you to believe it. you should be strong enough. you know you started to believe that you were beautiful, but no.. youhad to go back. for what! for nothing. just becaue im not here, doesnt mean im not here! i will always be here for you, and no this is not just something im just saying beacsue it makes you feel better. but i fucling mean it. and that honestly i dont know why i love my past still.. i just miss him loads and i cant fucking stop tihnking about him, and i dont even know why. somehow my love cant dissapear. all those memories are still fresh in my mind. i want to help him, i want to save him and show him how much he is, to me, to everyone to god. maybe thats why, that i believe, that i know that guy i fell inlove with is still htere. that he has not left, but just cagged and i want to let him out! i know i can do it .. somehow. and yes it will take awhile, ages infact but i can do it! but i still dont know my future, who i wil love next, or who i will be with for the rest of my life,. will it be one of them, i do now know, but i guess..i just need to put it all unto God, that he has a perfect life for me.. so i guess i just need to follow it, well try to.
right now i want to say .. i love you, i thank you for everything you have done. you made me believe in others in myself, made me learn to trust again. and supported me all the way. and i know i have been terrible to you, for using you, lying i guess and hurting you. im sorry and yet you sitll fucking love me... its incrediable. i know that if i hadnt met you, i wouldnt be happy and smiling anymore, iwould be crying even cutting myself perhaps... but the truth is that, i will never forget you ever in my life. all those times with you were amazing, and shall NEVER be forgotten. i will still always be here, persisiting to help you, always, and i swear i will never leave you in my lifee. always to support you. even if you push me away, il still try and try again.