080709

i saw you again. idont know whay but somethingw as telling me to see you again. and so i did. when i saw you, my heart was throbbing,,, the day before i was firhgtened shittless, so nervous and i didnt evenknow why. but when i saw you, i smiled, remebering all those perfect memories, knwing tha you were still you. i was so tempted to kiss you on the cheek, but i stopped myself and starred at you. my heart was racing faster and faster, and once you were awake, i just laughed to myself.. that day reminded me so much of all the joy and happiness we once had, and that you were still you. even when you told me to forget, i wont, and i shouldnt.
i ugess after everythihng you said to me that day, ive been thinking... maybe you have been holding me back. because you were in my mind, i guess i kept on hurting myself some how, thinking the worse and not being myself. missing you was killing me, and now i do feel alot better. i feel so free, like after that day everything seems so bright, and i am ready for anything again! im going to be me again, smiling and loving.. im going to be cindy li again. no regrets at all. so i guess now, all that has happened is all gone, the past, memoires that will just beremeberd to help me, and to smile at. never to hold me back anymore. so now my faith is stronger, thank you GOd for helping me, but sorry once again for hurting you.
Sometimes i got get it though, damnit you keep telling me that you are holding me bacl and all that.. seirously i dont see it at times! ive grown, ive lived and ive survived, what is it that ur holidn gme back from? it relaly frustrates me that you always say this stuff,, is it just an excuse? dont u think im strong enough? dont you beleve me? i cant help but question sometimes. even after everything, becasue the thing is that i really love you, that i want to be with you, and that i donrt see how u are holidng mje back that i need you. you wont listen anymore i guess, so i need to live my life for you, to wait for you, and know that perhaps your right.i still really trust you, so i will listen to you. i wish you could listen to me though. you are still you, that same guy i fell in love with, the one that could live life to the fullest and smile with no regrets. your still there inside all those distractions, all that pain, i see you. that you can do it, you can be strong and that you are so wonderufl even with all this, you are sitll an amazing person. that you are you, and that i love you.. even though i shoildnt anymore. so i say one last time now... i love you, forever and always.
i wont forget even if u make me! ;P