170110

having a best friend comes with alot of responibilities, just one of them are keeping promises. my bestfriend does mean the world to me, and alwayswill. i have promised her to always stick by her and stay by her side, but lately ive had the feeeling although we were drifting apart or there was something wrong. beacsue being bestfriends i know what her heart feels, after being hurt by her closest friends, being left alone just like me... she has been scarred and hurt badly. i promised her to always be by her side, becasue i love her and care aboit her, i dont want her to thnk that everyone on this planet will never love her or leave her, use her or just lie. but now i feeel horrible. i confess, i havent been a very good friend atall. i have been so distraced in myself or other friends that i has been forgetting her, or not being as loving as i should be. she became someone less important, and i just ignored it. until i relised after a few msn converations that it was vbery awakawrd talking to her, there were one word replies and the conversattions didnt flow anymore. i was so worried and so scaared. i didnt want to hurt her, but a part of me knew i did. so after talking to her, asking her if everyithng was okay in our friendship .. asll she said was , ' ther is nothing wrong, we are fine.. you have dont nothing wrong' even though she said these things, even on the phone. my heart cant help but feel asthough shes hiding so mnuch more from me. hiding her TRUE feelings about me, maybe she hinks im just another bitch, another liar, anbother lost friendship. i want to be her hope that real friends exist.. so now i feel horrible still.. but im not gonna give up on this. i an truely sorry for ever hurting her and i willl make it up to her. she is my everyhitng, and i love her dearly and nothing will stop that,, she is my best friend.. we had rhe best of times together nd i know that we still will..

DAMNIT DAMNIT DMANIT DAMNIT
dreams...
what a weird yet joyful dream... i woke up and all i could remeber was just that scene.. how embarrassing yet how mnuch i wanted it to actually happen. a girl can dream...