230110

la la la la...i thi


nk i like him... if he had the same feelings or asked me, i would definately said yes. i dont know how and when this happened, but there h
as what does my heart say and feel?
i need to forget i need to forget i need to forget i need to forget... but ive shared so many memories with him that i cant forget...
why do all the other guys never seem good enough, they cant fit that whole he had made in my haert... willi ever find someone like that? am i suppose to?
omg .. no
i need to forget i need to... i have to i have to forget ....
he is the past right, he is just a guy that i met one day.. he isnt anyhitng anymore, he isnt worth anyhting to me anymore..
f o r g e t ...

and even though i try and try,.. why do these same thughts come crawlling back?
why is it so hard to just forget about him? dont i just cut him out? isnt it just simple? ... you would think so, but all my memories with him have made me the person i am now, and if i cut him out.. i cut a part of myself ..
thats why there was a period when i wanted a fling, just some fun and excitement. to just throw myseklf out there and see what i caught. just wanted to feeel thoe warm arms, that soft kiss... but even though i did those things.. can they ever compare to the real thing? would they make my heart feeel any better? no.. they wouldnt.. i feeel like who ever comes along will never be able to fit in hsi shoes, i dontwant to end up hurtning another person.. i want the right guy, not just somethingfor fun..
and ever time when i see couples, holding eachother.. embarcing their love or eachother.. my heart ahces, beacsue i use to have that, i miss that,, i awnt that.. but i will never be able to have it..
its like what i said once..
' im just like an angel,,, i come down and save.. but then i leave. never to stay, never to be loved, never to fall in love'....


been a small feeling deeep within my heart. but of course his heart is taken by one lucky girl. as a bestfriend, i am not going to do anything about it, but support him all the same and akways help him out. i never plan to ever break them up, never becasue i dont care if he enver loves me, aslong as he is happy then my feelings dont matter. right now i am not even sure how i feeel about him. i like him i dont..? who knows. i think maybe i do, but then i feeel asthough i dont, or maybe im just pretending that i dont like him due to his comittment to another girl. and that makes me block out my true thoughts. maybe its that but maybe its just nothing important. im trying to ignore these feeelings and thoughts, but i kinda dont want to. i do want to tell him that i like him or liked him, just to see his reaction, just for fun. but then i dont ever want to jepordise our freidnship, its somehting really important and special to me. i really trust him, i dont know how i can or how i ended up being so honest with him, but i am. i know he isnt the perfect guy, isnt the 'prince charming' but he definatly someone importatn. he makes my bad days good by a joke or a lame word, his brightenss makes me bright and lightenes up my dark cold world. talking to him makes me feeel importnat and significant, that i mean somethingthat im not trash. i always talk to him, everyday. sometimes i only talk to him, beasue i dont feeel like tlaking to anyone else. i know he doesnt have the same understanding heart or has the perfect words to say, but he still comforts me in a way. i know finding that 'prince charming' might be impossible, but who knows right. i want to help himtoo, i know that he has alot to know about himsself, that he needs alot of support and care and i am williing to give that to him and help him. so i still dont know if i do like himn or not.. i guess time will tell..otherwise....