270110

my heart aches, my soul is being torn in half. my body is crying.. im withering away like a flower..
what on earth have i done, what on earth is going on, what do i do, why am i so fucking argh..
im so scared, so frightened, so intimidated, so torn... im scared of being hurt again, im scared of being regeted, im scared of being used and hated. am i just pretedning that all that i feel is gone? am i pretending that i am okay? have i been lying to myself this whole time? i am so confused. i just want to cry want to scream, i want to let it out.. but i cant, im too afraid..
shes right, she is so right... i cant deny it anymore becaue its the only reason, the only answer.. what the hell.. why cant i just let go! what is wrong with me! is this how much he has scarred me? is his how much he ment/means to me? is this how much he cut me, stabbed me, straggelled me and killed me? is this how much i love him....
gosh.. i cant love him, i cant believe it,.. im trying not to. ive been denying this shit for fucking ages.. but now its the only answer.. its the only reason why i feeel this way.
aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
should i let everyihgtng out...
i HATE this.. i hajte all of this.. i hate nhiding, pretending.. ALL OF IT!
i always have to hide, to be paranoid, frightened to death. i have to be pretty, i have to be 'fine'.. i have to be happpy.. i wanna slap him, i wanna slap myself.. i want to see him, but then a part of me doesnt want to.
im cold, freeezing into an ice cube,
my soul is frozen,
my heart is chipped,
and when i see you,
you make my mind freeeze,
when u open ur mouth,
you make my heart sink,
when u NEVER listen,
u make me want to slap you,
but when u hug me,
and tell me im beautiful,
i forgive you...