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it took us this long to finally ntalk about it. at the last minuet, when we both thought it was over. THEN we talk about it. just shows how confused we were, how misunderstood each of us were, how imperfect we are.
i knew this was bound to happen, it all started from the 'forced' phonecalls, the awlkward silences, the convo killers. then the forgetting, distractions.. we ere running away frpom eachother. and none of us had the balls to do anyhting. honeslty i was fed up of doing EVERYTHING MYSELF. I have to do this FIRST, I have to CALL you FIRST, I have to visit you, I have to make decisions. I have to help you, I have to make the conversation, I have to make a jjoke, I have to do everything..and yet it was ME who fucked things up.
i do think that u should of done ur bit of the relationship, i do tihnk that if u had a problem with me, that you should of TOLD me FIRST, you should of LISTENED to me, and trusted me eough to tell me what I WAS DOING WRONG. you said we were fine, but i knew we werent. u promised tht we wer okay.. and i trusted you. i want u to try harder okay. i want u to make things easier for me, but this is OUR fault. i screwed up, i did turn my back on you, i did give up, i was fed up, with doing everhithg. so i ran away, i ran away from our problems and pretended things would end up fine.. that was MY mistake. and i am sorry. i feel horrible, i blame myself, i hate myself.. isnt that fucking enough for you? its not aht i DONT want to TRY. not like i dont wajt this to work. I DO. i want us to be besties again.. i want us to be waeful again.
you know what..
stop blaming urself for everhitng, becaue inside you know u havet done anything. u may say taht its all ur fault and that ur not good enough but the thing is taht.. u have said, say to me... ' you turned ur back on me' u HAVE akready stated taht I STUFFED UP. so stop fuicking saying that ITS YOUR FAULT WHEN U FUCKING JUST SAID IT WAS MINE! grow up. and tell me that i fucked up okay! grow up and tell me when i make my mistakes! stop being all innocent and be brave, be a GOOD FRIEND and TELL ME WHEN IM NOT BEING A GOOD FRIEND! i dont care if it hurts. BECAUE I WOULD TAKE THAT PAIN FOR YOU AND CHANGE MYSELF TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!
i want to be there for you, im sorry that i havent..
i want u to be tehre for me, but u cant,
i want u to be by myside, but thats impossible,
i want u to forgive me, becasuie i forgive you,
i want you to grow up, but u just end up using that as an excuse to pout urself down.
i want you to be my friend, but i cant do it without your faith..

you know .. it hurts to see how much we BOTH have fallen..