020210

first day of school. it was alright. you know is great about school starting? i get to spend it with the poeple i love and care about, and be in the same class as one of the most important people of my life. siu (Y)

we had that chat, and after it we found out what we wanted. it was either make it or break it. you commit ill commit, i try you try. they were scared that we would crumble again, and she didnt want to go through that pain again.. it was my decision, and honestly i had to think about it. in the end. she was someone that i really cared about and wouldnt want to lose in my life, becasue i dont want to end up regreeting letting go of someone that made my life worth living.. like i have before.
so yes, lets give it another go, and we did. so far things are going alright, just slow and steady. im reallly glad that we got thourgh it, but more harder things are bound to come up again. im gonna make it up to her, im gonna show her that i still do care. but u know what dissapooints me, is that you continue to hurt urself. doing things that abuse ur body. in the end there is nthing i can do, but support you and bug u so much that u will have to stop. i really worry about you, if only u knew how sorry i am...

why does this happen, time after time after time? from one line u can change my whole opions of things and decisions. from 5 mins i take everhthing back, from one smile i blush and giggle. but from one thought of you going away, hurtiung urself, finding someone else.. my heart breaks.
this is what i think about you...
you are a kind, loving, caring person who is always there for people who neeed your help. you would do anyhting to protect them and help them. you have a glow surrounding you that makes people be atrracted to you right from the first glance. u have a sweet and cute personailty, and even though u act tough infront of people once they get to see how lovlely u truely are, u just fall gently in their arms. ur fiath in what u believe in is strong and to be looked up to. your face is delicate like a rose, u have ur fierce scary parts, but when u laugh and smile u truly light up peoples hearts. your touch brings tingles, ur hugs bring warmth. your eyes like a full moon in a clear night skky, its bright light is so beautiful, you just keep on staring deeper and deeper. youhave a very understanding heart, when one person opens their heart to you, you can comfrot them, and understand their pain. you can say all the right things to make someone smile, you can say everything they wanted to hear. you take away all the pain.. and people fall in love with you, even though you cant see it.
but...
beneath that, there is something that bothers me...
you are still not the same person i once you. you never listen to what ur ment to do, you disobey rules thinking its fun and cool. your not as warm as  u once were, ur cold ness has spread through out ur heart. im sure ur temper as grown, frustration and anger. those judgemental eyes u can have. your mind full of lies. how u say things but never do them. how u are a hypercrict. that you never relised how much u have casued. that you can be so care free. that u still manage to lie ur way through in life, thinking that u are going to be fine.  ig noring ur loving family that people would die to have. having such a caring mother who would DIE for you and does everytjhing for your happiness.. u know she should. to tihnk that this is just for fun, that your gonna be so gangster and cool with ur poles and knives.. just beacuse u smolke and drink, stay up late and bush up people.. just because of ur hair or the clothes u wear.. does not make u better than any of us.. becasue in the end. when ur smoking ur ass off, tkaing drugs and dirnking to drown ur sorrows... the rest of us, who dont waste our lives will be successful, happy and proud of what we have and will achieve. life for us willbe good, and fullfilling. flled with TRUE happiness. but for you... in the future what do u see? why not look that far? are u scared? you should be.. have fun cleaning toilets, living on the streets, stelaing and eating dog shit.. becasue u know what.. thats what ur gonna become if u dont change and follow ur word.

but u know what the funny thing is,.... i still care about you, and cant forget you. dot hate you but somehow love you.. and wnat to helop you and be the one who changes you. dispite all u have done to me, u have shown me and given me everything.

i am scared of you, frightened of ur judgemental ways.... because u are him...