090410

leave it alone; i am set free
PS 20ten;

i was hurt by you, and i feel like i am worthless to you. the constant need to know what you think of me, the constant fear of loss and rejection. my anger brought to your disrespect and shame. your cowardness and lies. it hurts. but yet why, why do i still want you. still forgive you, still miss you? no, you are not the most important person, or the first person i turn to when i feel like crying, but you are the first person who i want to comfort me. you may not be the best, but you are stiall someone to me. and i do, yes i do care and like you, but the big question is.. is it the same for you?
my mind goes mental each and everytime i talk to you. its like tlaking to a brick wall, with your one word replies. when you try to avoid me, and lie to me, how does that make me feel secure? when i no longer feeel your joy whilst talking to me, it makes me feeel like i am nothing to you. yet why do you know say there is something wrong? are you just doing this on purpose? are you making me hate you? do you want us to break apart? i hate this, jumping to conclusions and not knowing the real truth. what am i ment to do? everytime i want to tlak about it with you, something always comes up. you need to sleep.. your busy...
fucking pisses me off...
your cold, emotionless words hurt...
but now, i place this all onto God becasue i know that he will be able to fix it. i will 'leave it alone' and let God deal with it, beacsue i have faith that he will fix it. some how this assurence took away all my pain and anger towards you. i no longer feel the need to know the answer right now, or feeel frustrated at you. instead i feel joy in my heart, and peace. i have hope, and i have faith. no matter what happens, i know God will always be there.
God as set me free from the masked person we ALL are. i will appect the Lord, my masked side will be shown to the lord and HE will still save me. he was heal me and love me, for the neglected me, for the fearful me, for the scarred me, for the hurt me, for the alone me, for God loves all of me.

i finnally feel that my dryness will soon come to an end, and i am so very excited. finally this horrible thirst for God is now ending. i can just feel Gods pressence flow through me, his power working in me and healing me, quenching my thirst. thank you God, for all the loving and savong and the healing you have done.
i place all my fears and problems to you Lord, and have faith that you will fix them and heal me and those arond me. in jesus name i pray... amen